Let's Talk about Sex After Baby
Krystle and I want to talk about the stuff that does NOT get talked about enough. The subjects that women might be too embarrassed to bring up to each other or their friends honestly don't have the knowledge to point them in the right direction. Leaving everyone to think peeing themselves or having painful sex is just a part of the mama gig.
Today, I'm sharing more about sex after baby.
Sex After Baby
Tips for returning to sex after baby.
Feel Ready.It is important for BOTH parties to feel ready to return to sexual activity. I was 9 weeks postpartum this time around when we got back in the saddle. I felt completely healed and excited about it. Drew was patiently waiting. When physicians give you the green light on sex sometimes you really aren’t ready. Did they do an internal exam, look at scar tissue?
Communication.I told Drew I did not want him to take off my bra. For those of you that do not know, milk can spurt out of your boobs during intimacy. My mega right boob is always locked and loaded plus it is just huge and it does not make me feel sexy. He disagrees that these things are an issue, but respects how I feel. Just like last time, Drew checks in with me to make sure everything is feeling okay for me.
Take it Slow. Now isn't the time to try some crazy new position. I would suggest doing it in a position that is comfortable for both of you and taking things slow.
Nap Time Nookie.Sometimes by the end of the day one or both parties is exhausted. That can make the idea of intimacy seem like a tall task. Thank goodness both the boys cooperated on Saturday for us. Drew put Max down as I put Trey down and we met in our room. Or setting a curfew at night. If you don’t ask prior to 9pm you aren’t getting in.
Both of us thought it went really well! And it was very pleasurable for me, even after two babies.
We had Dr. Tracy Dalgleish (@dr.tracyd) on feed and she addressed the emotions, barriers and tips for returning to sex postpartum.
Image by Jenna LeRoy Photo.
You might be thinking, wait why is she sharing this? Because I KNOW this is not everyone's experience. Maybe your experience did not go so well or you KNOW you aren't ready downstairs but it has been a long time since delivery. I feel SO blessed to have a sister, close friend and blog reader/contributor that are all women's health physical therapists. This means I have information right at my fingertips (literally could text them if I had a personal question). I wanted to do this post so that every women would have the information she needs.
Tips from a Women’s Health PT
If you are nervous to try having intercourse again. Try prepping your tissue for sex. Using a dilator and/or your own finger you can control pressures and prep the tissue so the tolerance is better. If you had tearing or scar tissue working on that before can make you more mentally and physically prepped.
Stretching your vag out after birth- this seems counterintuitive, right? After all, your vagina was just stretched to its limit so you are probably wondering WHY in the world would you need to stretch it after giving birth?! This only applies to women who had a traumatic birth- so if you had an episiotomy or any natural tearing, or if you have pain with penetration, thrusting and/or tampon insertion or pelvic floor pain in general. This is because your pelvic floor gets stretched to its max and then seizes up and gets really tight again. You can start this around 12 weeks postpartum. Here are some instructions and tips for stretching your vagina after birth:
USE YOUR FINGER.
You can insert your pointer finger or thumbs into your vagina. Wash your hands before and make sure your fingernails are short so you don’t scratch anything. Lubricate the finger(s) you are going to use with a water based lube- my favorite is slippery stuff.
Insert your finger 1-1.5 inches inside your vagina. Imagine your vagina as a clock (6 is down toward the anus and 12 is up tossed the clitoris). Slowly massage the lower half of the vagina using a U shaped motion. Press down toward 6 o’clock and back and forth from 3 to 9 o’clock until you feel a slight burning, stretching sensation. Do this for 2-3 minutes max. Focus on relaxing your muscles while you do this and practice using your diaphragmatic breathing.
VAGINAL DILATOR
Just like with the finger, you can imagine your vagina as a clock. Push the dilator down towards six o’clock and work it from 3 to 9. Push and hold for a few seconds at 3, 6 and 9 oclock.
PARTNER HELP
You can also have your partner help you with this wink wink ;). Have them use their index finger and follow the same instructions above, using their index finger and lubrication. Make sure you have good communication if you are going to do this and let them know if it is hurting anything. Again, you should just feel a slight stretching/burning sensation but shouldn’t be painful.
HAVE SEX
This doesn’t actually stretch it out but is an important part of the process of your pelvic floor healing. It is very important to resume sexual activity ASAP- don’t delay it will only make things worse.
FIND A PELVIC FLOOR PT
As always, if you are uncomfortable with stretching out your own vagina we recommend that you find a pelvic floor PT to help do this for you. You can look up a PT here: http://www.apta.org. Click find a PT and filter it to Women’s Health.
If sex is painful after baby.
Check out this blog post about tips for intercourse being painful. Note that all intercourse doesn’t have to be penetrating. See a Womens health therapist to help return to non-painful sex. If you didn’t have pain before baby it doesn’t have to be painful after.
What to expect if you see a women's health physical therapist?
In the postpartum phase (usually after 6 weeks of pelvic rest), a pelvic health therapist will assess the patient’s pelvic floor muscle strength, coordination, and if there are any areas of pain related to pelvic floor dysfunction. The therapist will also check diaphragmatic breathing mechanics, if the patient developed a diastasis recti, scarring from perineal tear or c-section scar, or any other pelvic dysfunction related to pain or incontinence.
Yes, this means the women's health physical therapist will be assessing INSIDE of you. I've gone to one and sent my friends and everyone has had SUCH a helpful experience.
If after reading this, if you feel like you need to be seen by a women's health physical therapist you can ask your OB for a referral. Mine was HAPPY to write me one. I saw a women's health PT before and after Max to make sure I was knew how to use my muscles for delivery and to stretch my perineum, make sure my incision was healing after birth and that my pelvic floor was ready to resume activity (running and sex).
Next, you can search for someone that specializes in women’s health by using this link: http://www.womenshealthapta.org/ pt-locator/. There is a tab that allows you to locate someone that specializes in pregnancy/postpartum, urinary incontinence, or pelvic pain. Call and ask them questions and ask if they have worked with your condition! This is the best way to make sure they'll be helpful for your condition.
Taking an active role regarding your pelvic floor health during pregnancy and postpartum. It is ALL About Preparation
I'm singing the praises of Expecting and Empowered. My sister Krystle and I's comprehensive pregnancy fitness guide that includes training for the pelvic floor. Krystle (a women's health physical therapist) wrote exercises for EVERY week of pregnancy. SO many of the women in our private E and E community are SINGING the praises of this section too. Mamas that have had multiple kids are saying they are no longer peeing themselves because they are TRAINING their pelvic floor. Doing the E and E exercises prepares a woman's pelvic floor to PUSH the baby out and helps her to avoid common postpartum issues (like peeing yourself after babies, organ prolapse and painful postpartum sex).
Directly from the introduction of Expecting and Empowered:
"The other main role of your pelvic floor is sexual function. Often not discussed is that 36% of women have trouble returning to their normal sex life after delivery. Sexual health is a big part of our overall health and lives, and is something that CAN and SHOULD be enjoyed after babes. Taking care of your pelvic floor while carrying your baby will aid YOU in this."
Me having a plan to train my pelvic floor this pregnancy made all the difference. My OB was highly impressed that my pelvic floor held up so well (having children very close together is typically very hard on the female anatomy) and that I recovered so quickly after baby #2. I did not have issues after Maxwell, but I had felt my pelvic floor had more trauma and needed longer to recover. BOTH times I had the same small 1-2 degree tear.
We would HIGHLY recommend doing a pelvic floor program during pregnancy and postpartum. The good news is: we've made these for you. The pelvic floor section of the pregnancy and postpartum guide are JUST as important as the strength section and LUNGES. Although these are small muscles not visible to the outside world, you will THANK yourself for training them and prioritizing your female health.
Hope this was a helpful blog post for y'all.
Amy and Krystle